We all have reasons for why we do the things we do. I've been pondering this for some time. Thinking..... Why am I doing what I am doing? Why did I make a career change at my age? Why am I writing a blog (I am not a writer, so please don't compare me with those who can write well)? Why am I trying all of this "new stuff"?
The answer is simple- it was time.
Hard to understand, but true.
I had taught for 21 years, 20 in middle school, and I was tired of the politics. In my world, politics don't belong at school. When you are in the kid business politics shouldn't matter and they most certainly shouldn't "dictate" decisions. Unfortunately, teaching is fast becoming more and more political.
Back in the day, we taught. Nothing less. We loved, we nurtured, we guided, we taught. We weren't trying every new thing that came down the educational wind tunnel. We knew what worked and we did it. Our students felt safe in structured environments and they grew up to be successful because we gave them the skills and the love of learning that they would need to be successful. Little by little our wholesome goals have been eroded by greed.
I used to rise pre-dawn to attend a weekly PLC meeting. This would have been okay if we were actually gaining something from it and it wasn't just a meeting to have a meeting. I'm sure you all know the type. You go and what they spend all day telling you could have taken 15 minutes. Meetings just to have meetings. Don't teachers have enough to do? I don't know one teacher that comes at 8 am and leaves at 4 pm. Every teacher I know takes 'school' home with them, working on things week-nights and week-ends. Every teacher I know spends their own money on things for their students and classroom. And yet, someone decided that teachers don't spend enough time at school and need more PD so they invented "the meeting".
Turning in my resignation was easy and hard. Easy, because I was so tired of the politics handed down by those with more book knowledge and 'friends' than they had experience. I was tired of the phrase "it's for the kids" being parroted by people who didn't even know who "the kids" were. It was hard, because I love to teach and I love kids- any age, at any season of their life. I love my colleagues that have shared so much of my life and miss them. But at the end of the day, it was time for a change. I prayed and felt that God was leading me somewhere else.
So.... just what am I doing? I'm living. I'm living each day by faith that God will provide (and He has). I'm enjoying my life. I don't feel like I have to paste on a smile and pretend anymore. I feel freer now than I've felt in years. Friends are telling me that I look better than I have in years (I must have looked pretty bad!). I'm busier now than ever. I'm happier than ever. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I've started writing this blog. I've opened a store on TeacherspayTeachers, and a shop on Teacher's Notebook, and one at TeachWise. I'm teaching adjunct classes and subbing. I've got some other ideas brewing in my brain, but right now this is where I am.
Why am I revealing all of this now? I need to give all of my ventures over to God. I've been trying to do everything under my own steam. It doesn't work. I need God. I need Him in everything I do. I'm not trying to impress anyone and I know some will read this and roll their eyes. That's okay. I am who I am. I'm a Christian, totally dependent on God, and ready to spend each day serving Him- wherever He puts me. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that God has me securely in His hand and will guide me. I pray for ideas and God gives them to me. Every teaching idea in my stores and every blog idea (in fact just about every idea) comes from Him. So.... I'm giving God the credit and I'm handing everything over to Him. I don't know if my stores will be successful. I don't know if I will continue writing a blog. I don't know if I will go back into the classroom full time (some schools look pretty irresistible). I have discovered a peace and a joy that I don't want to ever lose. I am thankful that God is so patient with me. I've spent my entire life giving things to Him, just to take them back again at a later date. Hopefully, this time I'll just let 'it' go and I'll go where God leads.
Wonderful blog! I feel like I am reading my life to an extent. I am a former public school teacher of 15 years. My last 8.5 years went from fair to bad because of what the "powers that be felt." Instead of being lifted up I was beaten down mentally and emotionally. After this I took a year off and knew that I didn't want to go back to being a teacher again. In the 2013/2014 school year, I decided to become a PCA to a 2nd grader with Traumatic Brain Injury. While I was working with him I was asked to do homebound work for a medically fragile gal. That led to me now working "teaching" as it is called adolescents within a psychiatric hospital. Though this is an alternative form of "teaching" I too am less stressed, laugh more, cry much much less and don't have the heavy hand or eyes of the negative Nellies and Neals of when I was a public school teacher. I too am a Christian and thank God daily for the lessons I learned in the past which HE had brought me to where I am today. There are days at the psychiatric hospital where I can share my faith only when kids talk about God. I feel I was put there to plant seeds in the lives of these kids.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you in your endeavors.