October 2018

Chocolate 4 Teachers 11:59 AM No Comments

9 out of 10 teachers suffer from high levels of stress. That’s like 90%! Well, it is actually 90%. But can you imagine any other profession with numbers this high? I can. Surgeons. Think of the responsibility sitting on the shoulders of surgeons. Lawyers. They have the responsibility of making sure that criminals pay for their crimes and innocent people go free. Pharmacists. They have the tremendous responsibility of making sure you get the right medication. Pilots. This should be obvious. They have to safely land the plane.

Teachers don’t seem to be in the same category. Not even close.

We tie shoes, teach kids to add, subtract, and read. We have every week-end and summer off (Please don’t shoot the sarcastic messenger!). We rarely work nights. We get to give hugs and high fives daily. We have the privilege of teaching tomorrow’s leaders. Stress? That shouldn’t even be on the radar. But. It. Is. In record high numbers. And they only seem to be creeping higher (if that is even possible).

I believe that stress can be attributed to two major factors. Lack of support and lack of discipline. Teachers love their careers. They choose to teach because creating lessons is a welcome challenge, learning continues to intrigue them, and they thrive on building relationships with children. Teaching is a calling. Not a job. Not a way to make a living. Teaching is a choice because there is nothing else they’d rather do.

So, again, if teachers are that passionate about teaching, why the high stress? Imagine trying to accomplish your goal with a new challenge or roadblock every day. That roadblock could be an angry parent, a chronically absent child, a change in testing procedures, a new administrator, a change in school policy, or one of a million factors that can change on a daily basis. And usually do.

Someone once said that teaching was like trying to hit a moving target. That was, and is, so true. Teaching isn’t just walking into a classroom with a smile plastered on your face, being greeted by 20 or fewer smiling faces eager to learn, and walking to your car at 3:30 every day. In fact, teaching isn’t that at all. Some days the smile is real and some days fake is all you can manage. You put your game face on and enter the room. Most classroom sizes exceed 20 by 5-10 more students and many of our students need basic needs met before they are ready to learn (if they ever become ready to learn). Leaving at 3:30 is a myth. When teachers finally exit the building, they are usually moving slowly under the weight of numerous book bags containing their homework.

Teaching requirements change every time someone in a suit has a brilliant idea (brilliant is a stretch of the imagination). Teachers are rarely, if ever, consulted. We are expected to stop on a dime and do an about face at the whim of someone who has never taught. Sometimes these experts come in the form of something called Parents. Parents like to tell teachers how to do their job. They may not have experience or education, but that doesn't stop them. They feel that their suggestions are a golden nugget to their child’s teacher. Granted, parents do know their child. At home. But kids are different at school. And at school, teachers know kids. We are also trained to know how to best teach children. This is when administrative support would be nice. Unfortunately, this is when most of those administrators can eat their before-school-starts-words. The words about supporting teachers. Teachers know, in August, that the words are meaningless. They know that when it comes right down to it, they will be left standing on their own. They also know that administrators will be retracting their words about supporting teachers in discipline situations. I wish I had a dime for every time I’ve heard an administrator say they’ve got my back. What they really mean is my back is a target. Sure, I can send a child to the office and they will talk to the child. But, I can bet my paycheck that the classroom disruption will be back with candy in hand to announce to the class that the principal didn’t do anything. Yes, part of this is false bravado. But part of it is truth. Candy doesn’t lie. Misbehavior is rewarded. Consequences are lacking.

Teachers know that saying something only increases their problems. They’ll earn the label ”Troublemaker” and end up on an island. They know that the problem is not just at their school, but is sweeping across the nation. They know that some years are more stressful than others. They know that administrators come and they go. They know that, in spite of the stress, there is nothing else they can imagine doing. So… teachers silently let their stress levels rise.

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Chocolate 4 Teachers

Chocolate 4 Teachers 4:16 PM No Comments

For lack of a better term I'll use the word dumb. That's right. Dumb. Dumb things that educators do. Take for instance bell ringers. What if you don't have a bell system? What do you call it then? Nothing sounds quite as cute as bell ringer. Or what about a no tardy policy? Literally. Students could not be counted tardy because there was a no tardy policy. So even though they were late to class they were not tardy. Why? You got it. Because we have a no tardy policy. Or what about the concept that we let kids be kids. Sounds good. Maybe. Sounds trendy. For sure. Sounds dumb. Definitely. Kids are kids. We don't let them be anything. They are what they are. Kids. But does that mean we let them play in the street? No.

Here's one that takes the cake. At least for me. Breakfast in the classroom instead of the cafeteria. Why? Instead of having spilled milk in one room, you have spilled milk in several rooms. Have you ever smelled milk that was spilled a day or two later? Not so pleasant. There are enough odors going on in classrooms full of kids in which we are letting kids be kids without adding the rank odor of spoiled milk. I don't mean that we leave it there in a puddle, just waiting for it to dry. Oh, no. We have mops and wipes and towels and sprays to clean up messes. But there is always that little drop that goes unnoticed. The heat comes on as temperatures dip. That little drop heats up and becomes one big toxic stink.

It never fails that little hands that can't open milk cartons or juice cups, can't hang on to them either. That's a no brainer. But neither can teens who are too busy socializing and being kids. Oops! There went my applesauce. Accidentally knocked it off my desk. Of course, the plastic container explodes when it hits the tile floor projecting sweet, sticky applesauce in a 3 mile radius. Don't worry. If you miss a spatter or two, it will show up as this lovely shade of blue-black mold in a few weeks. Probably on the side of your file cabinet.

Let's not forget the reading rooms. Rooms where reading is made more inviting by placing pieces of comfy furniture and carpets in atheistically pleasing arrangements to encourage kids to love reading. Don't you just love spills on your rug? That stain will always remind you of the delicious breakfast burrito that was smashed into the fibers while your kids were being kids. Memories.

Who thinks up these things anyway? I want to know. I want to invite these rocket scientists into my room to do a study of kids (being kids) while eating their breakfast in a classroom just so they won't be tardy to class. And while they are there I'll be sure to let them help clean up. I have an extra broom. I'm good at sharing. Besides, I don't want to have all the fun.

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Chocolate 4 Teachers

Chocolate 4 Teachers 2:43 PM No Comments

A day spent with Little People goes something like this:

"Hey, you called me a little people. I'm not a little people!"

"You're 5. I'm 53. That makes you a little person."

"You're 53! My granny is that old!"

Thanks little person. Moving on to morning meeting (where do they get the names for this stuff?).

Today is Friday. What day was yesterday?

"Yes, little person with curly red hair."

"What are we having for snack today?"

This sets off a conversation about snacks. It is time to snacks (No. Snack isn't for 4 more long hours), what is snack? who brought snack? Finally, I think we're back on the day of the week. I call on another little person who is frantically waving their hand at teacher. Turns out the little person next to them is poking them. So, I move them to another location, which results in moving two more because they can't sit next to each other without talking. By the time we return to Morning Meeting, morning is over and I've forgotten what day of the week it is.

So... let's move to recess. Surely these little people will be excited about recess. Surely they will follow directions just because they want to go to recess. Wrong. The word recess results in a frenzy. Have you ever been in a room where they are about 25 five year olds running around trying to get their coats on? Well, if you haven't you're missing something. Namely, a headache. Finally, coats are on (right side), shoes are tied, coats are zipped. We move to the door and form a "line". We head towards the door and break free into the sunlight. Quick as a wink, coats are unzipped and thrown by the wayside. So much for getting them ready for recess.

Back in the room, we prepare for lunch. First bathroom (which is an experience) and then line up in lunch order. There is the usual pushing, shoving, talking as we head to the cafeteria. Then chaos breaks out.

"Do I need a fork?"
"Why do I need a fork?"
"I thought I was getting a chicken patty!"
"I forgot my milk."
"He looked at me mean."
And so it goes. Then I have to sit in the cafeteria with them. So much for a quiet lunch. How can my food digest when I am facing hundreds of little people who smear their food all over their hands and faces? Not to mention the ones that can't open their milk or dump part of their food on the kid's tray next to them. What are kids learning at home these days?

I thought the reading lesson would be a snap.
"We're going to play a little game. I'm going to say three words. You tell me which two words have the same beginning sound. Listen carefully. Wish. Yet. Yell."
Hands shoot up. Good. Like I thought, piece of cake.
"Gift!"
"No, I didn't say gift. Let me repeat the three words. Wish. Yet. Yell. Which two words have the same first sound?"
Light bulbs flicker, then one by one they go off. I think.
"Pumpkin!"
So I try another flickering light.
"Gift and Wish!"
It continues for about three more tries. Then I give up. Defeated. I tell them that we'll try it another day. They demand to know why we aren't playing the game any more. Because. I. Don't. Want. To.

We're in the afternoon stretch. Nap. Specials. Recess. Snack. Pack up to go home. Home. Sweeter words were never written. Nap is a joke. Not everyone sees the need to recharge their bodies. I do. I wish that I could take 40 winks. Then I discover that nap time is too short for the ones who are actually napping. They groan and snuggle deeper into their fuzzy blankets. I'm jealous. Why didn't I get a nap mat when I checked in this morning?

Specials. Yes!! Specials are a gift. A blessing. Special. Wonderful. 50 minutes of solitude. No one is taking the caps off of markers. No one is spilling glue. No one is tattling. No one is tugging on my pant leg or elbow. Bliss. The time flies by. Too quick. I have to go pick them up. Reluctantly, I head down the hall and see their smiling faces. They wave at me. They hug me. Who couldn't love these little people?

The moment comes to a crashing halt when we try to line up for recess. You've heard the saying, "It's like herding cats?" Well, let me just say, it isn't. Cats do not act like this. Cats may run every which direction and jump and climb and hide. But cats do not scream and yell and talk and tattle while they are doing it!

The clock is ticking. Slowly. Recess is over. Snacks are laid out. My nerves have had it. I look in the eye of one particularly annoying little person ( that has talked nonstop all day telling me that he will be good today) and say, "You're on my last nerve."

Hands go in the air. I call on one.

"Can I be on your last nerve too?"

Sure, why not? Join the club.

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Chocolate 4 Teachers

Chocolate 4 Teachers 3:27 PM No Comments

In this age of entitlement, when so many of us spend our days with entitled kids and parents, I thought it would be nice to imagine what it would be like if the tables were turned. Entitled teachers.
That's right. Teachers with entitlement.

Let's start with a coffee bar. If I have to be up at the crack of dawn with a smile on my face, caffeine is a must. And, let's add some chocolate. What is a day without chocolate? Not much of a day! And did I forget to mention that we need time to enjoy our cappuccinos, lattes, and coffees?

Okay, now that my day is off to a good start let's talk about lunch duty. No. I need my entire lunch time to recharge. That means I need to spend time with people closer to my age. People that will understand my need to unwind. Lunch duty just adds to my stress, not to mention it is affecting my hearing and digestion. Eating in 10 minutes or less, while standing, is detrimental to my health.

Speaking of duties, let's re-negotiate recess duty. I don't deserve to stand outside in all types of weather watching kids yelling and screaming. I should be protected from this type of exposure. I spend priceless hours enriching the minds of our future generation. I spend extravagant amounts of time preparing these educational treasures. I need every minute of my school day to create these treasures. Recess duty? No way. Find someone else that isn't as entitled. Speaking of these lessons... I put my best effort into every lesson I create and I execute it with precise expertise. With that said, I am entitled to some compensation. Benefits and chocolate gratefully accepted.

Meetings are a thing of my past. Entitled people do not attend meetings. Not before school. After school. Or on professional development days. Entitled people do not need development. Entitled people are development. We are a work in progress. We are the epitome of professionalism. We don't need someone telling us what we already know.

Entitled teachers are entitled to larger budgets. A budgets that actually looks like a budget. A budget that will allow me to purchase all of the items that are necessary for my classroom. Not some minuscule amount that just anybody would receive, but something substantial. Something that will allow me to showcase my spectacular lessons. I would like to receive it before school closes for the surface. I need time to shop.

I'm sure there are more items that entitled teachers deserve, but I think this is a good start.

Yes, it is that time of year again!