It’s that time of year again, time for parent-teacher
conferences. The time of year when we
have to put in extra hours to meet with parents who are checking on their
child’s progress. To be honest, I never really understood a twice a year
check-up. My parents kept tabs on me
daily. At least it seemed that way. They asked me every day if I had homework,
what had I done in school, was there a note from the teacher, and did I have
any graded work to give to them. My
teachers called home more frequently than twice a year ( I was not a model
student!), and my parents were actively involved at school.
I realize that those days are from the past. I know that
parents today either don’t have the time to be involved or the interest to be
involved.
There are things we can do to help bridge the gap
between school and home and make conferences easier and less stressful.
Throughout the school year you can:
1) Send weekly emails or letters home help to keep parents
informed.
2) Postcards congratulating a student on a project or
accomplishment.
and/or
3) the occasional call to update parents on their child’s
behavior.
These do take time, but in the long run they will make
conferences easier.
For the actual conference, try some of these suggestions:
1) If you have sent weekly correspondence, parents are more relaxed when they come because they
have made a connection with you prior to the conference. You will be relaxed
because you feel like you have been keeping parents informed. A parent that feels out of the loop until “it
is too late to do anything about it” is a mad parent.
If you have kept a ‘paper trail’ the parent that has
chosen to ignore correspondence from you prior to the conference will not have
‘ammunition’ to use against you at the conference.
2) Don’t make parents sit and wait with nothing to do,
but watch the clock and complain. Have copies of past classroom correspondence or a new newsletter prepared and available for parents to read.
Prepare a video of student’s activities set on a loop so parents can watch.
You will need to obtain written permission before taking pictures of students
and spend some time preparing the video, but it is well worth it. Our team did this. We sat up the “movie” in
the hall, set out plenty of chairs. Put a small table with some inexpensive
snacks in a bowl. It was a hit! It also helped to entertain siblings while they
waited. Just don’t put out all the snacks at once and it is perfectly
acceptable to put up a sign saying: Please enjoy these snacks, but please limit
the number that you take to two per person so there will be enough for
everyone.
3) During the conference have each child’s information
prepared in a take home packet for the parents. Your information should also
include those notes you have sent home and a phone log. Sometimes a defensive
parent will ‘rattle’ you and you won’t remember your own name, let alone the
times that you have called home to discuss concerns. Having it handy for your
reference will make things easier for you.
4) If you are concerned about meeting with a particular
parent, ask a colleague or administrator to sit in with you. It is a good idea to have other teachers, that
the child, has to join in, not to attack the parent for having a child with such
horrible behaviors, but to form a team working with the parent to help their
child succeed in school. There are no
lost causes. Some children just need more intervention and effort than
others. Don’t be discouraged if the conference
doesn’t go well. Some parents are living in denial and will not accept that
their child is not a model student. They expect their child to have perfect
behavior or perfect grades (or both). Hopefully, by the end of the conference
they will realize that you are not the enemy. And, in some situations, you may have to agree to disagree.
5) The old adage 'say something positive first' works. If you have trouble thinking of something
nice (beyond your child has perfect attendance), ask the parent if they would
like to start the conference, or admit that you are having trouble connecting
with their child. Stress that you want to make a connection, but you are having
trouble finding common ground. Ask the parent to help you by suggesting things
their child likes or dislikes ways to engage their child, or interests their
child has outside of school. Most parents are the expert on their child and
love to be a part of the process.
6) I also send out emails asking that the student also attend.
To me there is nothing better than having the child present. After all, it is
their future that we are discussing. Make them a part of the process. This is
part of teaching and accepting responsibility.
7) Be professional and courteous even if a parent is not.
Some parents have found parenthood overwhelming and unwelcome. This isn’t the
child’s fault so don’t focus on parenting shortcomings or the child’s inability
to cope. Find something besides behavioral issues or academic failure on which
to focus. This may take some preparing and brainstorming with your team.
8) Documentation is a must. Take time to jot down notes
about the conferences to refresh your memory later. During the conference, make
any necessary notes regarding action you need to take. For example: you promise
to send home a note regarding tests prior to a test, or you promise to contact
the counselor and have them contact the parent. I also kept a notepad lying
beside me with a list of everything that I needed to do after conferences so I
wasn’t looking through every student’s folder.
9) Will all conferences go well? No. At the end of the
day, walk out knowing that you have done the right thing and don’t take it
personal. Keep your administrator informed of any problems by sending them an email with documentation.
Keep it short and stick to facts. If the principal needs or wants more
information, they will ask for it. Keep your emotions out of it. Even when you
write, remain professional.
10) Pray. I always pray that I will be able to make a
connection with the parent and child. I also pray for God to guide and guard my
words (since I have a tendency to say what I think!).
I wish there was a magic wish that would make parent-teacher
conferences the most wonderful thing anyone had ever experienced, but beyond
that, try some (or all) of these suggestions and see if they aren’t a little
better.
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