Does Next Time Ever Come? Discipline Today

I read an interesting article earlier this week. It was about teaching children to listen and stated that children do not have good listening skills or good behavior because they have been taught that listening and following directions is not important.  The article went on to say that adults have trained children that disobedience is not a big deal because there are no consequences. Parents are too busy saying, "The next time you do that you will...," but next time never comes. The child continues with the inappropriate behavior, but never has a consequence.  I thought back through my years of teaching and realized that most of my students were shocked that next time was an actual event. Next time did, in fact, come.

Does our lack of follow-through teach our children that there is not a consequence for unacceptable behavior? I've given this a lot of thought since reading the article and I have decided that the answer  is yes. Previously, I have never given this much thought. I never sat down and pondered the reason that kids act the way that they do. I have thought schools were veering too far from the old "rules of discipline" to be effective. I have thought that students need to have 'bad' behavior corrected rather than rewarding acceptable behavior.  "New" methods of discipline don't make a lot of sense to me. It never made any sense to give a child a reward for listening in class. They were supposed to listen. My parents didn't give me a reward for obeying them. I was supposed to do what they told me to do.

 This topic was discussed many times during my years in public education. It was called positive behavior.  Recognizing positive behavior is great, but let's not take it overboard. And, let's stop ignoring the child who needs guidance in learning right from wrong. We keep rewarding darling little Susie for being a good listener hoping that talkative, disruptive Kim will figure out that her behavior isn't acceptable.  Let me tell you from personal experience, I never cared that the teacher praised the 'good' kids. I was having way too much fun being the social butterfly. I loved being the center of attention and making other people laugh. Having the teacher praise me or give me a lunch pass to move to the head of the line wasn't good enough. There wasn't a trade-off that would have gotten my attention. There was only thing that did stop me in my tracks.  Next time. It came and it went, but it left me a changed person. I learned that my  behavior choice had a consequence. One that I didn't like. A consequence that made me want to change my behavior.

Children today (and when I was a kid and for all eternity) feel like what they have to say is the most important thing in the world. My mentoring teacher gave me gold when she told me that when she began a lesson she stated that they should listen the first time because what she had to say was important and she would not repeat it for those who made the choice to not listen. Her students listened because they were expected to listen. They couldn't say that they didn't hear her say they should do this or not do that because she held them accountable.  And, that is the key. Accountability. Follow Through. You listen, follow directions, act in a manner that is acceptable to society, and you have the reward of learning and growing into a responsible adult. OR, you make the choice to do things your way and  ignore the directions and you have an encounter with Next Time.

Kids need structure and they need directions. They also need consequences and expectations.  They need a Next Time.

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